I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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