my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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