Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
