I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
