i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
