What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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