Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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