U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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