it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
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I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
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Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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