You're my little dorito
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
