the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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