I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
