So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i drank out of a bidet.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
