its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
