If i come over, it means nothing
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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