I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
