I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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