my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We have started to decorate penises.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
