is wine microwaveable?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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