I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
