im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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