there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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