I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
