Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
