guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My dick has a subreddit
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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