i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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