why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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