If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
