It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
