I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
