Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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