Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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