tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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