the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
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We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
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Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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