sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
