redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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