Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
