I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
