Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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