Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
