He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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