So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
