Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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