made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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