I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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