If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
