elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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