my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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