Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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