you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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