i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
