Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
