I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
