I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
