You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
