im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
