great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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