I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
