I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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