you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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