How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
