Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
