I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
