I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
