Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i think i just lost a toe
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
