You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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