I feel like abortions should bother me more
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
