Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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